I bought a handful of star ornaments that first Christmas in Germany; the year was 2007.
I’d wandered down the hill on the icy cobblestone with Austin and we trekked into the Edeka in search of a wasted afternoon. I marveled at the bakery bread and perused the foreign aisles.
Those stars weren’t all that pretty- but they were cheap and were large enough to easily fill the tiny four foot tree I bought (& shipped) for sixty dollars.
We were so broke and I remember wondering how we’d make it through the end of the month– and it seemed silly to be worried about a fifteen Euro purchase, so I bought them anyway.
I felt like an adult, making these grown-up decisions for myself in this snowy foreign country.
That was also the year I cut strips of red and green construction paper and made a paper chain garland…
Christmas 2007 was Austin’s first Christmas. It was the first Christmas David would spend without his dad. And it was our first Christmas as a married couple; our first anniversary followed two days after… It was also the Christmas his mom, sister, and their dog came to spend the holidays with us…
There was guilt that Christmas, but our little red and gold star themed tree filled the house with joy…
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There were years in between, each filled will quirks and “new” traditions that didn’t last…
The year my parents came to Germany, David was deployed; this was the first time my momma had ever been out of the country. Christmas 2008 was Cade’s first. I think there were little yellow ribbons tied to most of the branches…
Christmas 2009— we got a real tree. It was beautiful, but we didn’t water it like we should have…
The next Christmas there was lots of snow, and we slid down the hill on card board boxes… I don’t remember much about Christmas 2010 other than the memories I froze in pictures, and I’m left wondering what I blocked out… I don’t remember our tree that year; though, it looks noticeably small in pictures….
Christmas 2011– I was alone again. Our cat knocked the tree over, and our boys were old enough for presents that overpowered the tiny tree. They showed their daddy their loot via Skype…
We spent Christmas 2012 with our two families, with two different trees… A fun season to celebrate new beginnings, with bikes and a fireplace for Santa to come down, and hugs and travels…
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This year, Christmas looks like nothing I’d imagined. Though, I don’t what I expected when our Holidays have never truly been consistent. We’re a year out from David’s ETS date and our lives are completely different… completely separate.
My dad took the boys for the day on Sunday and I wrapped myself in my great-grandmother’s sweater. I wedged the eight foot (plus a couple inches they don’t tell you about) tall tree from my momma’s attic into the corner of our rental house.
Those German stars went up first, barely filling any space on the tree… I added in ornaments from momma’s attic, unwrapping special treasures and memories with each one…
The paper chain is long gone; I tossed it in the trash, somewhere between here and Germany… It’d be too short for this tree anyhow.
There was a noon cup of coffee, and an hour where I just sat in awe of our little house while listening to gospel songs because even I can’t fathom a house full of reindeer games and Parson Brown this early…
Christmas 2013 is the year I spent too much money on lights, an extravagant purchase I admit; but I’ve learned to tuck the guilt away…
This is also the year, I learned that Christmas trees were meant for making the season last, to be full of light, for cramming and wedging and tucking all the joy you can into one tiny corner-
You deserve all the lights in the world, my friend.